A love letter to my amazing boyfriend,
The words left unspoken are the most important, yet often unheard. As much as I love you, and tell you so, I rarely delve into my love for you. And, I don’t want to keep my feelings a secret from you- the person that matters the most.
First and foremost, I want to say I’m sorry. For holding you up to unrealistic and unattainable fairy tale standards. For comparing our love to the seemingly magical love stories portrayed in a Nicholas Sparks book. For comparing you to Channing Tatum in Dear John and Travis Parker in The Choice, and for psychotically holding it against you for not being exactly like them. For letting myself float off our planet of love, laughter, tears, sacrifice, and intimacy onto Jupiter (Yes, Channing was there, too…) and staying there for so long. I am writing to you today to tell you I am back, feet planted on solid ground, and changed.
In our day and age, it’s more uncommon than ever to be in a long-term relationship. Nevermind a happy, lasting marriage. We barely choose our partners based on the right qualities and characteristics. Our grandparents are honestly probably part of the last generation to truly get it. One age-old idiom I wish we all held as the truth is that if something is broken, you don’t just throw it away you FIX it! I was reminded of this as I swiped through the most reputable source of information, aka Instagram.
“The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they’re out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness’ sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship.” ~Anonymous
I realize that Nicholas Sparks movies aside, love is not a mystical destination. It isn’t rocket science and it sure as hell isn’t something we can pick and choose. You don’t choose who you fall in love with. It’s not something we can manipulate. I cannot add or subtract qualities as I please or see fit. You are you, take it or leave it. I must accept you for who you truly are, just as you accept my annoying, hard-to-please self. Lord only knows why and how you can love me so much!
But then I’m reminded, we are the lucky ones. Lucky enough to know to fight for one another. And, I realize most relationships aren’t so fortunate. I don’t need statistic to know a couple on average lasts a year or just a little longer, but instead of growing in love, patience, kindness, and sacrifice; they grow in selfishness, jealousy, and annoyance at their partner’s flaws. It’s inevitable. The more time we spend together, the more your flaws stand out to me. After 365 days of seeing you (in a row, because God forbid we let each other miss the other for longer than a few hours), how can anyone blame us for snapping at each other’s bad habits? I for one, can’t blame you for growing sick and tired of mine at times.
But, I know. Giving up on each other because of these annoyances is the easy way out. It’s easy to leave a relationship in search of someone new. In search of those “new relationship” butterflies again or the excitement at receiving a text message from a crush. But we usually forget one major factor, THAT ISN’T LOVE. That is lust. That is the curiosity of the unknown and mysterious. If we keep allowing ourselves to run from commitment instead of making a sacrifice and being more understanding, we are ultimately denying ourselves life’s one true purpose: love.
Loving one person unconditionally isn’t easy. CHOOSING to love one person day in and day out, all sides of them out in the open, is one of the most difficult yet precious things. It can’t always be puppies and cupcakes. What matters, is that even on those days when we can’t bear another moment in the same room together; there’s still no place we’d rather be.
In these moments of trial, we not only learn to love under every condition, but it’s also when we grow – independently and together. During our most difficult times, you have taught me more about myself than I could ever imagine. You have taught me to be patient, selfless, trusting, and honest. I’ve learned to love and be loved. You’ve allowed me to be 100% myself every single day, even when it isn’t an ideal representation of who I wish I could be. Learning to love each other unconditionally.
You have shown me a love that most people spend their entire lives searching for. And for that, you deserve the moon and the stars and probably even better than who I can be at times. But I do know that when all is said and done, I do not believe anyone could ever love someone more than or as much as I love you. Nicholas Sparks couldn’t write a better love story than ours if he tried. Our love isn’t a fairytale… simply because our love is real. And not even Channing Tatum could hold a candle to you.