Loving yourself through the good, bad, and the ugly

November 20, 2016 • Kayla

over 4 mins


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Loving yourself is the foundation for all things.It will clear the path to abundant happiness. You may think that you already love yourself. And that may be true… to a certain extent. But do you sometimes find yourself depressed by your circumstances? Or hurt and broken when romantic relationships aren’t going your way. Were you ever bummed when you didn’t get that killer job or snag that promotion? What if I told you I know the secret to experiencing these instances emotionally unscathed? It’s quite simple- by loving yourself unconditionally.

In order to love yourself through the good, bad, and the ugly you need to avoid the five poisons that hinder your ability for self-love. I have some good news and bad news, though. Let’s start with the low so that we can end on a high note. You know we like to keep the good vibes going here at Adventurself! The bad news: we drink these poisons constantly but unconsciously. The good news: once you’re able to identify these negative forces, the process to loving yourself can begin!

Without loving yourself first; relationships, jobs, and life will be lackluster and unfulfilling.If you can avoid these ‘dont’s’, your self-perception will change forever. Your whole life will improve!  Are you ready to begin this journey?!

Don’t get bogged down by external forces

When your circumstances become your source of happiness, you’re susceptible to disappointment. We unconsciously let our outside world dictate our happiness. You’re happy when your crush sends you that adorb text but irate when you’re ghosted. You’re stoked when you nail that amazing new job but feel defeated when you don’t get a second interview. Your life will be complete when you buy your dream house, but you’re discouraged when your finances are in shambles.

See the pattern? Stop the “I’ll be happy if…” complex. 

Life won’t always go your way. So why should you place any weight on these external forces? We need to learn to pull happiness from within. As you let go of what’s going on around you and shine your light from within, you’re setting the stage to loving yourself because you’re the only thing that matters.

Don’t let your emotions rule you

Emotions are fickle! I can’t tell you the countless times a situation seemed insurmountable before I slept on it or gained some introspection. When your emotions become a governing force in your life, you’ll find yourself on an emotional roller coaster. That’s an exhausting life to live!

When you find your emotions controlling your day, take a moment to talk to yourself. It may sound silly but someone needs to level set the situation, and who better to do that than the person who knows you best? I ask myself this question all the time, “Is this worth my time, thoughts, and happiness?” Chances are, it’s not. Accept your emotions, acknowledge them, but make a choice. Do you choose to have a happy day or do you choose to sulk in your emotions? The choice is yours!  

Don’t surround yourself with negativity

You are the company you keep! Spending time with that Debbie Downer or Negative Nancy will open the door to an overabundance of negativity. Like attracts like so you block all the positive from entering your life. Negative people aren’t just negative about their life, but also feed into the unhealthy thoughts and emotions you’re trying to conquer.

Negative people might disguise themselves, however, so beware. They’re not just the people that love to complain and gripe. I can always tell the difference between negative and positive company by how they respond to my problems. When I’m dealing with an issue, my true positive friends are the ones that will validate my feelings and frustrations but also offer a solution or spawn a moment of reflection. Instead of just saying, “Psh forget him, he sucks and doesn’t deserve your time!” my true friends say “Ugh, Kayla I know it sucks, but you are worth so much more. Take some time to reflect and figure out why you’re upset and deal with the root of your feelings.”

See the difference?

Don’t underestimate your words

Countless intellects stress the importance of our words. As Don Miguel Ruiz said, “be impeccable with your word.” Be deliberate with your words! Speak consciously. We are so quick to say negative things about ourselves.

“I feel so fat today.”

“I hate my hair.”

“I’m not qualified for that job.”

Stop shaming yourself! Why do we lash out at trolls and bullies that speak negatively about us but we so freely bash ourselves? It’s not right, and it must stop. Think before you speak. Lift yourself up with your words. I’m so passionate about this topic I’ve decided right this moment to write a post on this topic alone! Stay tuned Adventurers.

Don’t judge yourself

We are our toughest critics but seeing as we spend the most time with ourselves, we need to lighten up! One of the biggest barriers to loving yourself is our inability to see past our mistakes and flaws. Judging ourselves under these unrealistic pretenses for perfection, only lead to feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.

Take a deep, honest look at all that you are and all that you’re becoming. Recognize that you’re only human and will make countless mistakes but realize that you are perfect in all your glory. You are amazing, you are enough, you are worthy. You are beautiful, inside and out. Be kind to yourself and be your number one cheerleader. When you’re in your darkest days, it’s comforting to know that you’re whole because you are loved by you- the only person that matters!


Treat yourself with all the love and respect you shower a new love with. You deserve all of that and much more! Once you’re able to start loving yourself, it will be the most fulfilling relationship of your life. You will be unphased by the world around you and in a constant state of bliss. Who wouldn’t want that?! Be your best friend, Adventurers. Take this life goal and use this as the catalyst to your new life. Abundant happiness is just on the other side.


Kayla Pina

Born and raised in the good ole’ 508, I currently work in product management for a major fitness brand in...
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