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PSA to my single ladies: It’s not him it’s you!

January 23, 2016 • Kayla

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My dating days are behind me, but the single ladies in my life don’t need to tell me how tough the dating pool is. Most women accumulate enough bad dates and gruesome relationships in a lifetime to fill a Rolodex. Between the horror stories I hear and the pleas of desperation from my girlfriends, I’ve noticed traces of women with unrealistic expectations. So many curse the good men we have left (or lack thereof).

What’s wrong with men these days?

Where are the good ones?

Why can’t I find love?

I think some women are simply searching for the wrong things in relationships. We all keep different mental checklists when dating, but perhaps we need to open ourselves to people who don’t meet every criterion. I’m not telling you to settle, but holding out for a David Beckham lookalike won’t guarantee a happy and long-lasting relationship.

Sometimes our dating lives can leave us feeling isolated—particularly when we see others who seem to have it all figured out—so it’s comforting to read about girls who’ve had similar experiences. Here are a few misguided ladies we’ve all encountered. Hell, you might see yourself in one…

Bachelorette #1

Miss. Show Me the $$$

“He was nice, but…I wish he took me to a nicer restaurant. Don’t even get me started on his 1998 Corolla! I want a man that can take care of me financially.”

For some, money really does make the world go round. Dating a man with all the money with which to spoil you may seem like the perfect situation, but even that guy has a price tag. A man with money tends to exercise his power not just in his career but also in the dating world. He has enough resources to ensure his options are endless; you might not be the only lucky lady in his life.

But that’s not going to be the case with each and every wealthy guy, of course. Let’s say monogamy isn’t an issue—what will money give you at the end of the day? Do those dollar bills equate to love, trust, and honesty? No! If you’re dating a man solely because of his monetary reach, it won’t last. You’re an independent woman. Do you want a new Louis Vuitton? Treat yourself! You need a man that meets your emotional needs, not your material wants.

Bachelorette #2

Miss. Shallow Val          

“He was nice, but…he just wasn’t cute enough. I feel like I can do better.”

Don’t get me wrong; attraction and chemistry are a must in every relationship. However, you may be compromising a potential spark by weeding out all the 8’s and below. A 6 might just become a 10 after finding an intellectual connection. And let’s be real, this numbers system is fleeting—looks don’t last. Ask any happy, seasoned couple what the key to a successful marriage is—do you think any answer “their good looks”? Probably not. 

Bachelorette #3

Miss. Damsel in Distress  

“He was nice, but…he wasn’t romantic enough. He didn’t bring me flowers on the first date or open the car door for me, can you believe that?!”

Chivalry is not dead, but wooing may have undergone some updates; we can’t always expect a dozen roses. Watching countless unrealistic movies and shows has programmed us to believe that grandiose romantic gestures are a prerequisite for love.

Would you rather have a man that brings you roses or a man that listens? Would you rather have the car door opened or a smile on your face? Start paying attention to the men that care about you and your happiness. Perhaps a dream date could be your attentive prince charming planning an evening tailored exactly to what you like, not what he’s been told is “romantic.” If you’ve spoken about how much you love art, how amazing would it be if he planned a night of painting or a museum visit? We sometimes care too much about the performance and not enough about the little things. What’s more romantic than finding a man that wants to make you happy?

Bachelorette #4

Miss. Always Waiting for the Next Best Thing

“He was nice, but… I feel like I can do better. I have another Tinder potential I’m waiting on. He’s way hotter and has a better job…”

I once heard about this bachelorette who was riding on the dating “elevator.” She’d encounter countless suitors at each stop. Even though each floor presented a promising prospect, she decided to ride up just one more floor in hopes of finding someone even better. But once she started going up, she couldn’t go back down to the floors she’d passed. Up she’d go—stop and talk, and STILL she’d choose to go up just one more floor before giving a chance to the guys she’d passed. Up, up, up she went until there weren’t any more floors, and she was stuck on the top floor—alone.

Extreme? Yes, but there’s some truth here. If you’re always holding out for someone better, you could pass your soul mate without even knowing it! Being a serial dater won’t allow you to get to know people on a deeper level. The perfect man doesn’t exist, so waiting around for him could make you miss out on some really great guys. Everyone has flaws—don’t be afraid to look past them. You don’t want to find yourself years down the road on that top floor alone because you didn’t give the right men a chance.

So, adventurers, the next time you think:

What’s wrong with men these days?

Where are the good ones?

Why can’t I find love?

Ask yourself instead:

Did I judge him on superficial things like money and looks?

Did I push him away because he didn’t embody my vision of prince charming?

Did I give him a fair chance, or was I searching for the next best thing? 

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of those questions, maybe it’s time to rethink your prerequisites. Revise that mental checklist and focus on the qualities that matter in the long run, and forget those trivial attributes!

 

 

Kayla

Kayla Pina

Born and raised in the good ole’ 508, I currently work in product management for a major fitness brand in...
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