“I was your cure, and you were my disease. I was saving you, but you were killing me.”
There are certain types of relationships nobody really wants but for some reason that can’t always be explained you know, you need to have. They are the relationships that sound off the sirens and send the red flags way up- they are the reluctantly, self-diagnosed, unhealthy, emotionally taxing, toxic relationships. Despite all the “Do Not Proceed” warning signs you simply can’t resist stepping into the unknown and once you’re in it, the adrenaline-filled rush of high intense emotions keeps you going back for more. And while a relationship may be toxic, it doesn’t necessarily mean the people in it are toxic or bad themselves, it may just be that the behavior or dynamic each person brings out in the other makes for a toxic relationship.
And perhaps you’re not meant to stay away. Perhaps it’s in these relationships where you find the lessons you will need to prepare for the love you truly deserve.
What you want and need from a relationship evolves
For a while, you let the intense attraction & chemistry become #1, you experimented with letting your core values and emotional needs slip into the shadows. When the tide got stronger and things got heavier, you idly watched respect, communication, and commitment take a back seat as your tolerance for dishonesty and emotional strain grew with every passing wave. That’s when you were learning, a relationship couldn’t possibly be a rankings game, while chemistry and passion could take you to the deep end, it’s the fulfillment of other vital needs such as respect, commitment, attention, and honesty that keeps you afloat– regardless of how high or low his mood or feelings may get.
However, badly your heart may want to make things work and despite how amazing things may be when the chemicals are at an all-time high…there comes a time in every relationship when you’ll realize that high just isn’t going to be enough.
You learn a relationship can only thrive when there is a harmonious combination of all things important to you- you’ll get a lot closer to understanding what that means for you.
You become aware of your invisible wounds
“I’ve learned more from pain than I could’ve ever learned from pleasure.“- Sonia Teclai
Arguments have a way of bringing to light a lot of baggage, including the ones you thought you had long resolved. Being brought down to your most vulnerable and sensitive self-has a way of showing parts of yourself you didn’t even know still existed.
Because your healthiest relationships have likely been fairly easy, they didn’t amplify things the way this type of relationship did- your previous partner was complimentary and understanding while this relationship could be confrontational and difficult. He won’t conform to all of your needs or expectations, he won’t say all the things you want to hear, rather he’ll be the one serving you up a dose of truth no matter how strong or ready for it you may be.
He will uncover wounds that will force you to get intimate with the most uncomfortable parts of you, and when he does you’ll have a choice; look the other way and bury them once again or fully accept them and heal them once and for all.
You find your inner warrior
The most empowering lesson comes from realizing you have the power to break free. You begin to realize that you set the standard for the type of love you will accept. And, no matter how difficult it may be, it is ultimately up to you to dust yourself off, pick up the pieces that serve you, leave behind the ones that don’t and fearlessly defend the most important relationship you have. The relationship with yourself.
And when you finally learn how to tap into your inner warrior, you will be confident that warrior won’t be making the same mistake twice.